Boundaries  

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. ~Winston Churchill

There was a time in my life when I had no boundaries.  There was something in me that believed that if I did things to please others then they would love me.  This was really a sad way to live and it took me an extremely long time to figure it out. 

Each of us has fault lines that run through us that are prone to earthquakes.  My particular fault line was no boundaries.  If someone needed something I would drop whatever I was doing and change whatever plans I had to help them.  The problem with this was that I didn’t evaluate what I was being asked to do and then determine if it was necessary or superfluous.  I didn’t know how to say “no”.  

What this meant was that I was open and vulnerable to anyone who asked me to do anything.  This also meant that there was a boatload of unsafe people out their clamoring to get me to do what they wanted me to do.  So for most of my adult life I followed whichever direction the current unsafe person led me. 

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying.  I believe in helping others and I believe that God places people in our path for the purpose of helping them, but I also know there are people who will take advantage of those who have no boundaries.  The problem lies in knowing the difference between the two. One of the best books I have ever read was Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  The following is a list of characteristics of an unsafe person from their book Safe People.

  UNSAFE PEOPLE

1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.

2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.

3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.

4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.

6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.

7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.

8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.

9. Will lie instead of being honest.

10. Are stagnant instead of growing.

11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.

12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)

13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.

14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.

15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.

16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.

17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.

18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences. 

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, it has taken me a long time to learn to set boundaries where other people are concerned.  This was a fault in me that took a great deal of work on my part.  It was a painful process but for me to become the person I am today, it was necessary work.  You gave me the strength to accept the fact that some people would not like the person I have become.  Through it all You loved me even when others didn’t and for that I am forever grateful.  You are an amazing God and I praise You for the work You are doing in me.  

       

Scripture:  “It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere.  Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.”  Deuteronomy 13:4