Safe People  

Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking.  There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.  ~J.C. Watts

When I read the book about safe people it taught me a great deal about people and relationships.  One thing I learned was that I was an unsafe person for others.  When I didn’t set boundaries for other people they tended to think that everyone else was without boundaries as well.   If they treated the next person the same way they treated me, and that person had boundaries there was a major clash of wills. 

What I learned is that I can be a safe or unsafe person.  I have a choice.  I also learned that an unsafe person can become a safe person and vice versa.  The biggest issue or problem that happens when you start working on yourself is that others will see a different you.  You can imagine how this would work.  I’ll describe for you what it looks like using me as an example.

I am laid back and easy going and extremely flexible because I have no boundaries.  Someone comes along and asks me to do something.  So my unsafe person kicks in and tells me that if I don’t do what this person asked me to do they will not love me.  So I change my plans (whatever they are) and do what the person asks me to do.  What happens then is after doing this for so long I begin to resent the fact that this other person is running my life and it isn’t their fault, it’s mine.  The flip side of that is when you do start saying no, those very same people will get angry at you and ask you what is wrong with you.  The following is a list of characteristics of a safe person from the book Safe People.

  SAFE PEOPLE

1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.

2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others

3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.

4. Working on their own issues

5. Respond to truth

6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them)

7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens)

8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)

I will close this with the definition of a safe person from Cloud and Townsend’s book Safe People.  “Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be.” “They are not perfect but they are “good enough” to be a positive influence in our lives.  They help us bear good fruit in our lives.”

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, I was an unsafe person for many years. For most of those years I didn’t see the unsafe person in me.  This book forever changed my life.  It taught me that I was my biggest problem and through self-observation and a lot of hard work and heartache I am progressing towards being that safe person.  Father, You blessed me with caring individuals around me who listened when I needed it and were just there when I couldn’t see past the turmoil in my life.  I am forever grateful to You for providing a tool that could help me become a safer person.  

         

Scripture:  “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6