Forgiving Those Who Hurt You

Forgiveness does not mean excusing.  C.S. Lewis

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with forgiving people from my past who have inflicted hurt.  I think sometimes there are those who don’t realize they are destructive to others and then there are those who know they are destructive to others and continue to be.  How do you forgive the people from your past or in your present who have hurt you whether knowingly or unknowingly?

I remember several years ago I was in a Bible study group and we were discussing forgiveness.  They showed a video of a woman from our church.  She told the story of how her mother was murdered. She talked about how she had to learn to forgive before she could heal.  After hearing her story, my reasons for not forgiving someone in my life paled in comparison.

One of the most important things about forgiveness is learning what it means.  Forgiveness is not forgetting.  It is forgiving the person who did the wrong and then allowing ourselves to heal.  There are going to be times when the person who hurt you either never realized you suffered hurt at his/her hand, or they will never acknowledge your hurt.  This is the part I struggle with the most; the knowledge that someone hurt me and may never realize it and may never ask for forgiveness.

If you look back over your life at the times where someone hurt you, you can probably remember every one of those even if it happened 30, 40 or 50 years ago.  Why can we remember the hurts more than any other incident?  I think part of the reason is because they become part of our identity.  How often have you heard someone say, “I am this way because of how I was treated by _________ or because of _________.”  What happens is we start thinking that if we let go of the hurt caused by another person, we will lose part of ourselves in the letting go.  This is based on the fear of losing something.

Jesus taught that I don’t have to hold onto the past hurts.  If I allow His love and forgiveness to flow from me towards the person who hurt me, instead of holding on to the anger of past wrongs, Christ’s love and forgiveness become my identity.  When we let it go we become more like Him.  “²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” Galatians 2:20-21  Learn to forgive and set your heart free.

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, I struggle with forgiveness.  Sometimes I hold onto the hurt and replay it in my mind over and over again like a bad movie.  Help me to forgive those who hurt me and depend on you to take care of the rest.  Forgiving doesn’t mean I forget.  It also doesn’t mean that I trust the person who hurt me.  Being cautious with those who have hurt me doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven them. It simply means that I am not You and cannot see that person’s heart.  

      

Scripture: There were also two others, criminals, led with Him to be put to death. And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:32-34