Manipulation

“The chief means of resisting manipulation is humility – knowing who we really are and facing it. You can only serve by love. You can only love by choice. True love cannot be the result of decree, force or manipulation. Jesus always kept his strength to make loving choices. He calls us to make loving choices necessary to be the servant of all." "Humility permits me to own my feelings – and to admit them. Now I'm free to say, ‘I'm angry’. I'm free to admit what I am reacting to. I am free to ask if anger is what the person wanted to produce in me, and to ask for help in changing if my reaction is inappropriate.”
―Gayle D. Erwin

Have you ever been manipulated?  I have a tendency to get angry when I think someone is manipulating me.  The problem with this is that I shouldn't get angry about it.  If I handle it properly it is beneficial to me and to the manipulator. 

The reason I bring this up is that I had this issue come up this week.  I work with someone who takes the bus to work every day and doesn't own a car.  When I first started my new job this lady would stop by and talk to me.  At the time I thought she was just being nice. 

Anyway, this lady started asking me to help her not long after I started work.  She needed to go to her doctor’s office to pick up medication or she needed to pick up a prescription.  She would always preface it with “I don't do this all the time” but in reality she does ask for these types of favors all the time and I found out I am not the only one she asks.   

So I started seeing a pattern.  When it snowed she asked me if I could stop by and pick her up on my way into the office.  Since I had already started seeing a pattern here, I told her no. 

I decided to take the day off before New Year's day but since I didn't have any vacation left it would be necessary for me to make up my time.  I would have to work an extra 5 hours in 3 days to make up the time for being off. 

This individual came to me on the Wednesday after New Year’s Day and asked if I could take her to a doctor's appointment and then pick her up after her appointment.  I told her no and explained that I was trying to make up time for being off on Monday.  She played the sympathy card and told me that she wasn't feeling well and needed to get to the doctor.  I admit it.  I caved.  So I told her I would take her and pick her up.  Then I started resenting her for asking.  It was my fault I caved but I resented her for asking and pushing.  Part of the reason I resented her was because she didn't seem to listen to why I couldn't help her.   

I was struggling with the fact that I think God calls us to help others in their time of need so I was asking myself why I felt resentful of her. 

Before I could confront her and before taking her to her doctor appointment, she stops me in the hall and asks if I can take her by Kroger to get her prescription filled.  I told her again that I couldn't do that because I was trying to make up time for work. 

The moral of this story is that I took her to her appointment as I had promised but I did confront her and told her I could no longer do this for her.  What did I learn from this?  If I resent doing something for someone then that action has lost its value in God’s eyes because I am not doing it with the proper love. 
  
One of the best stories in the Bible about manipulation and its consequences was the story of David and Uriah.  David manipulated Uriah to cover up his own sin with Bathsheba.   

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, I want to help others but I don’t want to be used or manipulated.  I am also a “People Pleaser” so this is a weakness of mine.  Please help me to discern when someone has a true need that I can meet from those who just want to use me for their own ends. 

Scripture:   In the morning it happened that David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah.  And he wrote in the letter, saying, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retreat from him, that he may be struck down and die.”  So it was, while Joab besieged the city, that he assigned Uriah to a place where he knew there were valiant men.  Then the men of the city came out and fought with Joab. And some of the people of the servants of David fell; and Uriah the Hittite died also.  2 Samuel 11:14-17