Apology Language

A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.  G.K. Chesterton

Did you know that each of us has an apology language?  The same author of The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman) also wrote a book called The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.  I found it interesting that just as each of us has a specific love language we also have an apology language.  In this book they discuss that what one person considers an apology may not be what the other person considers an apology. 

This started me thinking.  What if the apologies I have spoken in the past were not the other person’s apology language?  This would mean that in my own heart I felt like it was an apology and would expect forgiveness, but since I wasn’t speaking the other person’s apology language, is it any wonder that they didn’t accept my apology or forgive me? I could take this one step further and say that without an apology to another person, our very human sense of justice is triggered, which in turn fosters anger followed closely by retribution.  

One of the illustrations they gave goes something like this:  One spouse says, “If he or she would only apologize,’ and the other says, ‘I have apologized.’  ‘No, you haven’t,’ the other one says.  ‘You have never admitted that you are wrong.’  This example clearly shows that these individuals are speaking two different languages.

Through research and analyzing data they determined that the five languages of apology are (1) Expressing Regret, (I am sorry), (2) Accepting Responsibility, (I was wrong), (3) Making Restitution, (What can I do to make it right?), (4) Genuinely Repenting, (I’ll try not to do that again.) and (5) Requesting Forgiveness (Will you please forgive me?)

I will share with you one of the things my husband told me recently that meant the world to me.  He said, “One of the things I love about you is that even when you get angry with me you will always think about the conversation and then come back and apologize if you feel you were wrong.”  What this does for us as a couple is it opens up the opportunity for dialogue and communication where otherwise, hurt feelings and resentment would grow instead.    

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, I want to be a better communicator in all of my relationships.  By studying your word and focusing a great deal of time on my personal human nature, I am slowly growing into the person You call me to be.  Thank You so much for Your patience with me because I know I have a long way to go.           

Scripture:    But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.  If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?  And if I cast out demons by Beelzebub, by whom do your sons cast them out? Therefore they shall be your judges.  But if I cast out demons by the Spirit of God, surely the kingdom of God has come upon you. Or how can one enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man? And then he will plunder his house.  He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters abroad.  Matthew 12:25-30