Trust & Forgiveness   

I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. My sickness, or perplexity, or sorrow may be necessary causes of some great end, which is quite beyond us. He does nothing in vain. John Henry Newman

I am guilty of confusing trust and forgiveness and they are not equal.  Forgiveness is a decision that can be made immediately whereas trust is an emotion not a decision.  I can offer an apology and be forgiven but that doesn’t mean I can necessarily be trusted.  Trust is that emotional sense that you can relax with me and you don’t have to be suspicious of my behavior.  It means you can let down your emotional guard around me because you trust that I won’t knowingly hurt you.

The problem with trust is that when it is violated or betrayed, it doesn’t automatically occur after an apology and the extending of forgiveness.  This is the hard part.  If I look at it honestly, you may believe I am sincere in my apology, but you may have a hard time trusting me not to hurt you again.

In Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas’ book “The Five Languages of Apology”, Gary describes trust as a tender plant.  When trust is violated, it is like someone stepped on the plant and crushed it into the ground. Rain and sun may eventually enable the plant to emerge, but it will not happen overnight. 

So how is trust rebuilt?  By being trustworthy one day at a time. By giving a sincere apology and genuine forgiveness, this opens the door to trust growing again.

I often confuse trust and forgiveness. I start believing that I haven’t forgiven the person when the reality could be I just don’t trust the person.  Trust takes time.

The reality is “when we commit actions or speak words that are detrimental to another, the consequences of those actions and words are never fully removed, even with genuine forgiveness.”

This made me think of Joseph.  When he was thrown into the bottom of a pit and then sold by his own brothers, do you think he would have turned to them immediately and trusted them?  I personally don’t think so.  If I put myself in his place I might have forgiven but not trusted.    

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, forgiveness and trust are two very confusing things for me.  I often feel guilt when I think I haven’t forgiven someone, when in reality it may be that I don’t trust them to not hurt me.  I know I am guilty of hurting others so I pray that you will help me to show others that they can trust me one day at a time.  The one thing I am sure of is I can trust You in all things.  I praise Your Holy Name.      

Scripture:   Let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:3-6