Demand or Request   

I know for me, going back to the person I've bad-mouthed or lied to is absolutely humiliating! But isn't it interesting that "humiliating" has the same root word as "humility"? Part of humility is taking responsibility for my sin and asking forgiveness even when it doesn't feel good. God wants to heal and restore your relationships, but it's not easy. Chip Ingram

Have you ever received an apology from someone and somehow it just didn’t ring true.  The problem with this sometimes lies in the way the apology is presented.  I kept wondering why I felt such extreme guilt when this occurred.  I think in my mind I knew what I read in the Bible about forgiveness and that if I didn’t forgive that person I was guilty of sin. 

What I discovered recently is that there are two sides to making an apology.  One type of apology is where the offender requests forgiveness and the other demands forgiveness.  I have been guilty of demanding forgiveness instead of requesting it. 

We all know that it is extremely difficult to ask for forgiveness and apologize.  This means we have to admit that we did something wrong and then must humble ourselves to another person and that isn’t always easy.  What happens when we demand forgiveness is we expect the person to quickly grant forgiveness.  I am ashamed to admit that I have used this very phrase, “I said I’m sorry, what more do you want from me?”

If we demand forgiveness we fail to understand the nature of forgiveness.  “Forgiveness is a choice to lift the penalty and to let the person back into our lives.  It is to pardon the offense so that we might redevelop trust.  Forgiveness is essentially a gift.  A gift that is demanded is no longer a gift.

If I demand to be forgiven, I judge the offended person as being guilty of an unforgiving heart.  The offended person is hurt and angry but by demanding forgiveness I am trying to make the offended person feel guilty for not forgiving me.  On the other hand if I go to the other person and say “Will you forgive me?” I am making a request instead of a demand.   

We need to understand that when we ask for forgiveness, we are making a huge request that is very costly to the other person.  When we forgive another person we are required to give up our hurt and anger or feelings of humiliation or embarrassment as well as rejection or betrayal.  Sometimes it means the other person must live with the consequences of our wrong behavior.  The other thing is there are sometimes physical consequences or emotional consequences of our bad behavior. 

If your apology language is restitution or repentance it will take time for that person to process an apology.  It takes time for the person with an apology language of restitution or repentance to determine if I will follow through on making restitution or am genuinely repentant. I must also prove to the other person that I am changing my destructive behavior.  The person I have hurt will need to be convinced of my sincerity.   

Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father, this is a tough subject for me.  Maybe that is why I spend so much time on it.  In my own personal life, this is one of the toughest subjects for me because I don’t always understand the consequences of the words I speak.  Sometimes my words harm others and I want to change that.  Please help me to overcome and lean on You.    

Scripture:   Good and upright is the Lord; Therefore He teaches sinners in the way. The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way.  All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth, to such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.  For Your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity, for it is great. Psalm 25:8-11